Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
