In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
