there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
