why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
