I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
