it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize