Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
