In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
