She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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