but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
