I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
