my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
