my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
