why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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