He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
