Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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