My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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