I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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