apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
