Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
