We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
