I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
