We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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