it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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