I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize