please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
