ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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