Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
