Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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