Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
