The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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