i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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