Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What a dumb baby whore.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You are a genius and a whore.
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