physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
