don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize