I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
