His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
