member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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