Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
