I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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