And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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