Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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