Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
