Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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