FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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