Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
