Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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