have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
