I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
