can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
