girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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