No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Did we literally take a cab across the street
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize