I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
