i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
