Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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