can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
