Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
