Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
third nipple confirmed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
