College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
