If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
