What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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