You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and you said cock pushups were impossible
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Randomize
