Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize