She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize