I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
