Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
