It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
