When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize